Dear Diary,
When I was young (err... younger!!), I fall in love so frequently. One day I'd fall in love with one boy I know at Mak Yah's house where we religiously mengaji day in and day out, another day I'd fall in love with a couple of boys I know at Sekolah Agama - a privilege as this was the only place I actually got to meet boys, a chance which was deprived by SK Convent. My prey ranged vastly, from the boy next door, the boy I saw at Kedai Mo'in - d local grocery shop at Jalan Daud, to the boy I met at Hock Hai supermarket - which I think by now, was closed for good. Love for me, then, must be really cheap, and to fall in and out of love, was no big deal at all. Easy. Like a snap of the finger- or better said, snap of a couple of fingers cause I could fall in love with 10s of boys at the same time, no problem.
When I reached my late teenage era, I experienced certain level of an indentity crisis. I dressed a bit boyish, with caps and jeans and tshirts. But it didn't stop my habit to easily fall in love. For instance, during A-Levels, I fell in love with all kinds of boys ranging from Class Account 1 to Law 10. And that covered Engineering 7 and 8 too. Again, l have discounted love. I actually had fun.
To fall in love was easy. Perhaps because I don't see the value of love. Even then, I had a problem. Let me confess, love itself found difficulty to fall for me. No matter how hard I tried, those boys I mentioned above, seemed to think that I was invincible somehow. There was no reponse whatsoever. Frankly though, I was as timid as a mouse when it came across a cat. Off course for dignity's sake, I didn't confess. Nor did I give any bits of a hint. Orang melayu kata "syok sendiri" to the highest level! But honestly, even if I did give a hint, still, I don't think those boys would care to love me back. Pathetically, there was this one time when Chokeng, my best of friend at school, who obviously had the same problem as I was, came down to the conclusion that those boys in our school were damn blind and moronic, that they fell in love to fat, ugly girls, rather than the 2 of us, of whom we deemed as being rather "hot", "not fat" and "pretty". I met Chokeng again early this year after so many, many years of not seeing each other and the statement exchanged happily between us in between our giggles was "Oh yeah... kita kawin jugak akhirnya!!! Hahahaha.." Point is, oh yeah...!! Finally there's 1 boy noticed us, and care to fall in love with us. Pathetic isn't it? But that's the truth, I finally made up my mind to fall in love the last time; and love, finally, made up its mind, to fall for me, the first time.
My perspective towards love, then, and somehow, sommersaulted post this situation - when love fall for me, a.k.a marriage.
Dear Diary, why am I disclosing this deepest secret of me?
No. 1. Now I see the value of love. Feeling it and experiencing it. No. 2. There is this person of whom I love. I care in a way that anything that makes her sad, will definitely make me sad. I know her well and I love her most. I have always thought of her as my own flesh and blood. In her case, unlike mine, love did fall for her a couple of times. But this time, I think, if not for the first time, it's the second time that she falls in love. All this while, I think she had trouble falling in love. Like I said, I will be the happiest if she's happy. But at the same time, I will be the saddest, if she is sad. And now love embraces her, I feel hessitant. Out of 10, my hessitancy for her falling in love this time, is 8.
Dear Diary, I wish I could say this to her. I wish I can tell her it is not worth it. But I know I can't blurt it out as I think I am not in the position to do so. And I too do not want to cause a stir. I understand the sensitivity. But, due to this love and care for her, I just want her to know that Love in as much as it is beautiful, it keeps within itself, ugliness. Love is about sharing, but if you ain't careful, it could be very selfish. You can be addicted to love, but addiction is harmful. Love can sway you, but it could outthrow you far if it swayed too hard.
But Diary, the thing about love, especially if it is sacredly coupled with marriage, you will want to be swayed by it, you will want to be selfish about it. You will want to be addicted. You will want it all the time. Love and marriage, in my opinion, are complex. It is not a "for-fun" thing.
Dear Diary, tell her that for me. Tell her that it's not worth falling in love this way. Tell her that to commence love at the expense of the sadness of others, is even worst.
I love her Diary, please tell her that too. I love her, and always will, whatever decision she makes.
HI DIARY, IT'S ME AGAIN ...
Monday, November 28, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
BABSTER
Dear Diary,
In my mood now, I would put the real malay word of a pig as the title of this post. But knowing that my fiery fire would normally only last a few minutes or may be a few hours the logest after it is triggered, I'd just try to be satisfied with Babster for now. So that I won't feel that bad when the flame in my head is completely extiguished later. Thanks Hajar for introducing the hi-tech word "Babster". It does sound more polite.
I am trying to be sane. I am trying to ignore what's going on around me. I am trying to swallow what is happening to me. It is frustrating. But I have been determined to brush my frustration away. And then I realise that the more I try to shake it off, the more frustrated I become. Last resort, is writing it down this way. I normally find sense after putting my thoughts in writing. I hope I will.
Diary, I know this is not a good time to be doing this. I have piles of things to do. But I can't move on doing them if I don't spill the beans out of me. You know what Diary, I think he is a pig. I think he is an irresponsible pig. I think he is a pig which does not deserve to be here. We here are good people who come to work with determination. With passion to work. We work because we love it. We work because we own it. We work because we deem our work as our responsibility. We work because we take it that it is sinful if we don't execute our work. When we work, we keep our promises. When we work, we ensure that our clients are well protected. Their interests are not put at stake. We work to serve our client. "Client" sound creepy, but we deem our "client" is the reason why we are deemed to be relevant. The pig on the other hand, just act like how pigs act. Menyondol apa aje selagi boleh. Without brain. And pig being pig, he will sleep off his work when he is full. Or may be tired. Or may be bored. Oh... and I think, if pigs were to wear ties and able to use iPads, pigs too will promise but simply off-track their promises as and when the pigs like. And another one Diary, pigs being pigs too, they just do not know how to use the normal sms or whasapp or bbm to inform people of their pigly duties. Oh yeah... pigs don't have fingers to press the buttons to send these messages or reply calls ...
I am sorry if this post sounds harsh. It's not intended to be addressed to any living or dead pigs. It's just a way for me to pull myself together, so that I can start doing my chores again. I think I'll just go off anf buy a cup of hot capuccino now, and start undertaking my responsibilities again.
Thanks for listening Diary, I love you.
In my mood now, I would put the real malay word of a pig as the title of this post. But knowing that my fiery fire would normally only last a few minutes or may be a few hours the logest after it is triggered, I'd just try to be satisfied with Babster for now. So that I won't feel that bad when the flame in my head is completely extiguished later. Thanks Hajar for introducing the hi-tech word "Babster". It does sound more polite.
I am trying to be sane. I am trying to ignore what's going on around me. I am trying to swallow what is happening to me. It is frustrating. But I have been determined to brush my frustration away. And then I realise that the more I try to shake it off, the more frustrated I become. Last resort, is writing it down this way. I normally find sense after putting my thoughts in writing. I hope I will.
Diary, I know this is not a good time to be doing this. I have piles of things to do. But I can't move on doing them if I don't spill the beans out of me. You know what Diary, I think he is a pig. I think he is an irresponsible pig. I think he is a pig which does not deserve to be here. We here are good people who come to work with determination. With passion to work. We work because we love it. We work because we own it. We work because we deem our work as our responsibility. We work because we take it that it is sinful if we don't execute our work. When we work, we keep our promises. When we work, we ensure that our clients are well protected. Their interests are not put at stake. We work to serve our client. "Client" sound creepy, but we deem our "client" is the reason why we are deemed to be relevant. The pig on the other hand, just act like how pigs act. Menyondol apa aje selagi boleh. Without brain. And pig being pig, he will sleep off his work when he is full. Or may be tired. Or may be bored. Oh... and I think, if pigs were to wear ties and able to use iPads, pigs too will promise but simply off-track their promises as and when the pigs like. And another one Diary, pigs being pigs too, they just do not know how to use the normal sms or whasapp or bbm to inform people of their pigly duties. Oh yeah... pigs don't have fingers to press the buttons to send these messages or reply calls ...
I am sorry if this post sounds harsh. It's not intended to be addressed to any living or dead pigs. It's just a way for me to pull myself together, so that I can start doing my chores again. I think I'll just go off anf buy a cup of hot capuccino now, and start undertaking my responsibilities again.
Thanks for listening Diary, I love you.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Don't You See?
Dear Diary,
I was with my mom and dad and my children off course, having dinner by the beach. The kids have their picks tonite and they have chosen the beach for its nice soto ayam.
We were talking and updating each other as I haven't seen my parents nor do I have called them throughout this whole week, when suddenly the guy who was said to have his wife and baby killed in some tragedy, came and took the table behind us. As usual, like whenever I saw him by the road when I was driving, he was carrying the usual baby craddle and some other stuffs which look like some shabby and dirty baby soft toys or babywear. He came silently to the table, put down his "baby" slowly on the sandy beach. This time, he had a small, red radio transistor with him, which he put on the table together with some radio casseates. I tried my very best to catch the music he was listening to, and in between the sounds of the crashing waves, I noticed that it was some local nasyid. While sitting, he would sway his palms around, an act which I later understood as an effort by him to keep mosquitoes and bugs away from his "baby". At times, he will bury his face into some cloth or something.
Though there are, always, tingles of mixed feelings in me, I am not sad or anything. Because I have seen him numerous times throughout my daily routine to and from office over the past almost 5 years. I have seen him, very early in the morning, sitting on the floor at the porch of some chinese grocery shop or restaurants which were still closed, or bus stops, sitting crosslegs on the floor while his hand rocking a baby cradle he must have hung there earlier, or pushing baby tram or sometimes, some hypermarket trolleys with somewhat a thing shaped like a "baby" wrapped with blankets in there. This is not the first time I see him.
What makes me want to write about him in here though, is the fact that I see my mom cried. She cried. And my mom is really not a person who will normally cry over things. You don't get to see her cry very often. Especially not in the public. She's always the composed, prim and proper one. That man's act must have really touched her heart. Through her silent tears, I suddenly thought, God must have created this man to show those who may have seen, about so many things. What they are, I think will be up to the beholders to interprete. Mom must have seen those things too. I, on the other hand, do not see enough. As usual, I am very blurry, even when it comes to life. I don't really see things ...
I was with my mom and dad and my children off course, having dinner by the beach. The kids have their picks tonite and they have chosen the beach for its nice soto ayam.
We were talking and updating each other as I haven't seen my parents nor do I have called them throughout this whole week, when suddenly the guy who was said to have his wife and baby killed in some tragedy, came and took the table behind us. As usual, like whenever I saw him by the road when I was driving, he was carrying the usual baby craddle and some other stuffs which look like some shabby and dirty baby soft toys or babywear. He came silently to the table, put down his "baby" slowly on the sandy beach. This time, he had a small, red radio transistor with him, which he put on the table together with some radio casseates. I tried my very best to catch the music he was listening to, and in between the sounds of the crashing waves, I noticed that it was some local nasyid. While sitting, he would sway his palms around, an act which I later understood as an effort by him to keep mosquitoes and bugs away from his "baby". At times, he will bury his face into some cloth or something.
Though there are, always, tingles of mixed feelings in me, I am not sad or anything. Because I have seen him numerous times throughout my daily routine to and from office over the past almost 5 years. I have seen him, very early in the morning, sitting on the floor at the porch of some chinese grocery shop or restaurants which were still closed, or bus stops, sitting crosslegs on the floor while his hand rocking a baby cradle he must have hung there earlier, or pushing baby tram or sometimes, some hypermarket trolleys with somewhat a thing shaped like a "baby" wrapped with blankets in there. This is not the first time I see him.
What makes me want to write about him in here though, is the fact that I see my mom cried. She cried. And my mom is really not a person who will normally cry over things. You don't get to see her cry very often. Especially not in the public. She's always the composed, prim and proper one. That man's act must have really touched her heart. Through her silent tears, I suddenly thought, God must have created this man to show those who may have seen, about so many things. What they are, I think will be up to the beholders to interprete. Mom must have seen those things too. I, on the other hand, do not see enough. As usual, I am very blurry, even when it comes to life. I don't really see things ...
Saturday, August 13, 2011
MY BALANCE-OF-2011 PLAN
Dear Diary,
Soon it will be PPA time, and what I did as against to what I have planned to do, will be weighted again. When "life" kind of abandoned me, I plan to make myself busy. These are my plans in 2011 and let's see how far I've met my KPI.
1. To paint Ziad's room. Status : we are stil undecided what color to paint. Ziad wants green (he's in Green schoolhouse) and Aish, naturally wants pink and purple. And I want blue. Since there are only 4 walls in the room, I am still wondering if painting all different colors to every 1 wall will be a good idea.
2. To change the bathroom door. Status : I have given ayah RM500 to change the door. His update was "nanti lah... ayah dah pakai duit tu." Boleh?
3. To redesign Pandan Alley's tv area. Status : I have several designs and sketches. In my head.
4. To make the Bukit Mahkota house a holiday home. Status : I haven't even got time to pay it's quit rent. Dear Majlis Daerah Kajang, please don't seize my house. My dear industrious darling is far far away. And I am bizzzie.
5. To stay healthy. Status : Yeah, I have even entered a marathon "formally" (though I have to withdrew myself to accompany Aish. Truth : I am just plain worry that I'll be Malaysian last chicky runner and appear in the news as the "fainted participant"). Thanks for inviting ZZ! We look forward for more!
6. To spend lunch hour at office surau. Status : Failed to date, as since Hajar left, I have been glued to my seat since morning till very late afternoon. Stopping just enough for zuhur and asar prayers only. Don't blame me, ok.
7. To send Ziad and Zarith for their mengaji lesson. Status : Yeah. Ziad is enrolled with Ustaz Ibrahim now. Aish, still tidak diterima masuk kelas lagi. Maybe next year.
8. To re-commence swimming lesson for Ziad and Zarith (where I, will berenang-renang di tepian). Status : every day in the week's 7 days for the kids are pretty occupied already. Will try again post Ramadhan.
9. To present a Paper in a Conference. Status : I think yeah. Paper on EPCC to lawyers in a mini-conference in Bangi EQ. Will save for "major-conference" next year lah.
10. To visit O' My Darling every now and then. Status : Yeah. This is a good KPI. Insya Allah, I will be making it twice to UK this year. Praying that Allah will murahkan rezeki and sihat for the long trips with kiddos.
11. To obtain my Cosec professional license. Status : Haiiyaa...!
All in all, I will be lucky if I don't get an M3. Urghh..
Soon it will be PPA time, and what I did as against to what I have planned to do, will be weighted again. When "life" kind of abandoned me, I plan to make myself busy. These are my plans in 2011 and let's see how far I've met my KPI.
1. To paint Ziad's room. Status : we are stil undecided what color to paint. Ziad wants green (he's in Green schoolhouse) and Aish, naturally wants pink and purple. And I want blue. Since there are only 4 walls in the room, I am still wondering if painting all different colors to every 1 wall will be a good idea.
2. To change the bathroom door. Status : I have given ayah RM500 to change the door. His update was "nanti lah... ayah dah pakai duit tu." Boleh?
3. To redesign Pandan Alley's tv area. Status : I have several designs and sketches. In my head.
4. To make the Bukit Mahkota house a holiday home. Status : I haven't even got time to pay it's quit rent. Dear Majlis Daerah Kajang, please don't seize my house. My dear industrious darling is far far away. And I am bizzzie.
5. To stay healthy. Status : Yeah, I have even entered a marathon "formally" (though I have to withdrew myself to accompany Aish. Truth : I am just plain worry that I'll be Malaysian last chicky runner and appear in the news as the "fainted participant"). Thanks for inviting ZZ! We look forward for more!
7. To send Ziad and Zarith for their mengaji lesson. Status : Yeah. Ziad is enrolled with Ustaz Ibrahim now. Aish, still tidak diterima masuk kelas lagi. Maybe next year.
8. To re-commence swimming lesson for Ziad and Zarith (where I, will berenang-renang di tepian). Status : every day in the week's 7 days for the kids are pretty occupied already. Will try again post Ramadhan.
9. To present a Paper in a Conference. Status : I think yeah. Paper on EPCC to lawyers in a mini-conference in Bangi EQ. Will save for "major-conference" next year lah.
10. To visit O' My Darling every now and then. Status : Yeah. This is a good KPI. Insya Allah, I will be making it twice to UK this year. Praying that Allah will murahkan rezeki and sihat for the long trips with kiddos.
11. To obtain my Cosec professional license. Status : Haiiyaa...!
All in all, I will be lucky if I don't get an M3. Urghh..
CAME BUT FOR FRIENDSHIP, AND TOOK AWAY LOVE
Dear Diary,
Whatever that means. To some. But to me, wrongly or rightly interpreted, it means something deep. You come to a place with false hope. With hatred perhaps. With longing to return to where you came from. You despise the unfamiliarity. You fear for what lies beneath. You decided to play by the surface. But as time goes by, bit by bit, you tend to adapt. You tend to accept. You blend and you open up. You go deep. Then deeper. Then deepest. Then you realised, that oh.. it's not that bad. You like. Then you love. Then you can't do without. But then, sadly, boom!!. It's time to say good bye. Suddenly you feel reluctant to leave behind. What you first fear. What you first despise. You left, and adapt, and like, and then love again. And the cycle starts over and over and over again. I call it life. I call it nature. I think it's painful sometimes. I think it's a must most of the times. Fearing and hating to go. Then fearing and hating to leave. Intending not to know, but ended up filled with many, many great memories.
Whatever that means. To some. But to me, wrongly or rightly interpreted, it means something deep. You come to a place with false hope. With hatred perhaps. With longing to return to where you came from. You despise the unfamiliarity. You fear for what lies beneath. You decided to play by the surface. But as time goes by, bit by bit, you tend to adapt. You tend to accept. You blend and you open up. You go deep. Then deeper. Then deepest. Then you realised, that oh.. it's not that bad. You like. Then you love. Then you can't do without. But then, sadly, boom!!. It's time to say good bye. Suddenly you feel reluctant to leave behind. What you first fear. What you first despise. You left, and adapt, and like, and then love again. And the cycle starts over and over and over again. I call it life. I call it nature. I think it's painful sometimes. I think it's a must most of the times. Fearing and hating to go. Then fearing and hating to leave. Intending not to know, but ended up filled with many, many great memories.
Monday, July 18, 2011
ANTARA DUA DARJAT
Dear Diary,
Siapa aku, apa keluarga aku, nothing got to do with you. Bukan aku untuk menggembur kisah pangkat dan darjat yang tak pernah menjadi milik aku. Didikan agama ku cukup untuk itu.
Antara reality and twisted story.
Antara helah dan kebenaran.
Antara darjat dan pangkat.
Antara keinginan dan hasad.
Ada engkau.
Sorry friend, you can twist the story semahu mu, but I know who I am.
Siapa aku, apa keluarga aku, nothing got to do with you. Bukan aku untuk menggembur kisah pangkat dan darjat yang tak pernah menjadi milik aku. Didikan agama ku cukup untuk itu.
Antara reality and twisted story.
Antara helah dan kebenaran.
Antara darjat dan pangkat.
Antara keinginan dan hasad.
Ada engkau.
Sorry friend, you can twist the story semahu mu, but I know who I am.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1 : What do you think of me?
A. Hadworking, brilliant (1st thing I noticed), determined, wise, fair - your nature.
B. Witty, silly, talkative, fun - if you choose to.
C. Tantrum, emo (off course!), direct - no further comment!
D. All of the above.
Q2 : Kenapa you seperti *merelakan? [*ur choose of word, tak tahan!]
A. Why not?!
B. Gunung yang dikejar dah dapat, aparaga? Go ahead!
C. Life changed. People changed. That's just normal.
D. Whatever ... !!
Q3 : Tak sedih ke?
A : Tak sempat. Office, busy amat. Balik, penat amat.
B : Tak. It's for the betterment.
C : U asked the wrong question!
D : Hmm ....
Q4 : Boleh kita berkenalan?
A : PM
B : PM
C : PM
D : All of the above.
A. Hadworking, brilliant (1st thing I noticed), determined, wise, fair - your nature.
B. Witty, silly, talkative, fun - if you choose to.
C. Tantrum, emo (off course!), direct - no further comment!
D. All of the above.
Q2 : Kenapa you seperti *merelakan? [*ur choose of word, tak tahan!]
A. Why not?!
B. Gunung yang dikejar dah dapat, aparaga? Go ahead!
C. Life changed. People changed. That's just normal.
D. Whatever ... !!
Q3 : Tak sedih ke?
A : Tak sempat. Office, busy amat. Balik, penat amat.
B : Tak. It's for the betterment.
C : U asked the wrong question!
D : Hmm ....
Q4 : Boleh kita berkenalan?
A : PM
B : PM
C : PM
D : All of the above.
Friday, May 20, 2011
OLD FLAME
Dear Diary,
Oh, hello! Gosh, Diary, I get to play tennis again. Rather rusty strokes but altogether, fun game. I think I will have to start dragging my 2 poor kids to the tennis court again soon. I bought them their first tennis racquets when the racquets, if you tilt them up, are literally "taller" than the kids themselves. Just in the hope that I can have them replace my old tennis buddies, Sue, Fid, Dilin ...
Truthfully, I was merely fairly good at it, but for some reason, I always had fun and feel good whenever I'm at it. The sound of the tennis ball bouncing and "popping" whenever it hits the racquet right, is a source of sudden happiness, the manufacturer of a swift glee, and a catalyst to an effective destresser. I don't know, but it has those effects to me since day one.
Coincidentally, I was rummaging through my old books and stuff yesterday for some lousy termite-buster situation, and guess what I found ~ the old translucent medal I got during one of the tournaments - "Karnival Sukan Northern Consortium of United Kingdom (NCUK) 1996, Johan, Tennis Campuran". And here I am at my long abandoned Blog, itching to write something about my old flame.
Obviously, it still has got some fiery flaming effect on me! hahaha ...
~ When one can't play with the Stars, they can just have fun with the Moon – both belong to the sky anyway... !!! hahaha..
Oh, hello! Gosh, Diary, I get to play tennis again. Rather rusty strokes but altogether, fun game. I think I will have to start dragging my 2 poor kids to the tennis court again soon. I bought them their first tennis racquets when the racquets, if you tilt them up, are literally "taller" than the kids themselves. Just in the hope that I can have them replace my old tennis buddies, Sue, Fid, Dilin ...
Truthfully, I was merely fairly good at it, but for some reason, I always had fun and feel good whenever I'm at it. The sound of the tennis ball bouncing and "popping" whenever it hits the racquet right, is a source of sudden happiness, the manufacturer of a swift glee, and a catalyst to an effective destresser. I don't know, but it has those effects to me since day one.
Coincidentally, I was rummaging through my old books and stuff yesterday for some lousy termite-buster situation, and guess what I found ~ the old translucent medal I got during one of the tournaments - "Karnival Sukan Northern Consortium of United Kingdom (NCUK) 1996, Johan, Tennis Campuran". And here I am at my long abandoned Blog, itching to write something about my old flame.
Obviously, it still has got some fiery flaming effect on me! hahaha ...
~ When one can't play with the Stars, they can just have fun with the Moon – both belong to the sky anyway... !!! hahaha..
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I HAVE A CONFESSION ...
Dear Diary,
I have a confession to make - to Zaid Zali. I have to confess that I only commented twice in your blog. On both occasions, you guessed "dang" right. THUS, that makes the others, before my first comment, to NOT be me. You guessed "dang" wrong there. My Emo Emu Buddy, can we declare that you already lost the game the moment you started it? You already owe me ayam bakar, famos amos cookies, carrot cheese cake, and now, as my winning throphy, you have to get me delicious Cokelat as well. Dark Cokelat, ye! I hate milk Cokelat, too sweet; or white Cokelat, as I don't drink milk. Should be for the entire Legal Dept. And CEO's office too. That would be great! Why confess? Let's say, we need strategies to win! I'll stop at that. ; )
# Hajar : why confess if you are joyous in the solace of a harmless secret?
I have a confession to make - to Zaid Zali. I have to confess that I only commented twice in your blog. On both occasions, you guessed "dang" right. THUS, that makes the others, before my first comment, to NOT be me. You guessed "dang" wrong there. My Emo Emu Buddy, can we declare that you already lost the game the moment you started it? You already owe me ayam bakar, famos amos cookies, carrot cheese cake, and now, as my winning throphy, you have to get me delicious Cokelat as well. Dark Cokelat, ye! I hate milk Cokelat, too sweet; or white Cokelat, as I don't drink milk. Should be for the entire Legal Dept. And CEO's office too. That would be great! Why confess? Let's say, we need strategies to win! I'll stop at that. ; )
# Hajar : why confess if you are joyous in the solace of a harmless secret?
Friday, March 25, 2011
SHE MEANT BUSINESS !!!
Dear Diary,
It's earthquake, tsunami, typhoon, hurricane, war, radiation ... That's the news we get to hear ever so often now. To add icing to the cake, there's also murder, suicide cases, rape, and what other gruesome crimes committed on daily basis, if not hourly. I suppose, if a green, lanky, wide-eyed alien from the outer world were to read the local newspaper, or happen to fly by a window in a UFO (*on a scouting mission to earth, that is!) and get a peek on the niteline news aired on tv, I think it will think twice over the idea of concurring earth. What a pathetic place to settle down! Even if we are not so much of having a slight worry about the catastrophe that happened in Japan, why, only recently Thailand was hit by a reasonably massive earthquake. That is weird. And that is close to home. Very close to home for that matter! I am worried. I think She is angry now. I think Mother Earth is really pissed off with all of us!
I just read, more or less, that whenever the dweller of a settlement continuosly commits acts that are forebidden by God, God will set a time and overturn the kingdom of the wrongdoers. Up side down. This is being repeated everywhere throughout the book that I read.
Judgement Day, itself, is knocking on our door, and do we realise that? Do we pull the curtain back and peek through our window to check who is at our door? I think it's time for us to holdback. Let's pause for a while and check ourselves out.
Let's try have an Earth Day do tomrorrow. Let's ponder for a moment upon God's words. Let's create awareness amongst us, amongst our children. Let's save the world now, and caution ourselves and avoid from being the source of the anger of Mother Earth. We wouldn't want to anger her further, would we? She's not kidding this time. She meant business!!!
It's earthquake, tsunami, typhoon, hurricane, war, radiation ... That's the news we get to hear ever so often now. To add icing to the cake, there's also murder, suicide cases, rape, and what other gruesome crimes committed on daily basis, if not hourly. I suppose, if a green, lanky, wide-eyed alien from the outer world were to read the local newspaper, or happen to fly by a window in a UFO (*on a scouting mission to earth, that is!) and get a peek on the niteline news aired on tv, I think it will think twice over the idea of concurring earth. What a pathetic place to settle down! Even if we are not so much of having a slight worry about the catastrophe that happened in Japan, why, only recently Thailand was hit by a reasonably massive earthquake. That is weird. And that is close to home. Very close to home for that matter! I am worried. I think She is angry now. I think Mother Earth is really pissed off with all of us!
I just read, more or less, that whenever the dweller of a settlement continuosly commits acts that are forebidden by God, God will set a time and overturn the kingdom of the wrongdoers. Up side down. This is being repeated everywhere throughout the book that I read.
Judgement Day, itself, is knocking on our door, and do we realise that? Do we pull the curtain back and peek through our window to check who is at our door? I think it's time for us to holdback. Let's pause for a while and check ourselves out.
Let's try have an Earth Day do tomrorrow. Let's ponder for a moment upon God's words. Let's create awareness amongst us, amongst our children. Let's save the world now, and caution ourselves and avoid from being the source of the anger of Mother Earth. We wouldn't want to anger her further, would we? She's not kidding this time. She meant business!!!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I ADORE MI AMOR
Dear Diary,
I was recently struck by lightning. The kind that was blurted out from human's mouth, instead of the normal ones that came down from the sky. The after effect was still the same though - I was dead shock, and the electrifying feeling was there too, buzzing in my eardrums and then shutting down my entire system, though for a tiny moment. A split second. Off course I breath again afterwards. And smiling as usual. Nobody realized that the smile I gave, was the kind of smile that was given by a person who just survived, though rentung by a lightning strike! Wavy, and inbalance.
"Why did you let him go alone?"; "Men, you can never trust them!"; "You know what, 4-years is very long"; "Aren't you worried? He's there all alone?"; "What are you doing here, should have been in London now!"; "Tak takut dia kawin lain ke?"; "Common! It's London!". To certain extream, my wise and forever-I-respect mentor, one day, went "If I were you, I would follow wherever he goes. I would have resigned. 4 years is very long and we don't know what will happen there. At your age, men are ...."... she ended that sentence and gave me a couple of slow, calculated nods and a very, very looongg.... shrewd...... meaningful look!!
Oucchhh! That, hurts... err...No..that tingles, and creepy at the same time!!
What can I say? Scared? Off course I am scared. London? Yes, it is very fashionable to have the whole family there. I can envision myself wearing thick stylo winter clothing, sitting on a bench by the park, sipping steaming coffee, enjoying the misty white cool, snowy surrounding at the St. James's park, watching the squirrels, pelicans and the swans in the lake. If I am lucky, perhaps I can even bump into Prince Charles and Camilla like I did the last time I was there!
Between reality and fantasy, between clinging and letting go, between love and jealousy, how can I say it?
I guess, I just trust him. I have loads, and loads, and loads, of trust in him. And I need to hang on to it for so many years to come. Threats and fear of the unknown will quiver that feeling away. And I can't afford that.
Life, as we delve deeper into it, comes along with it, demanding responsibilities and consideration for others. Not only for me, but also for the betterment of the entire family. Not only for now, not only for the coming 4 years, but also for times long, long way after that. I pray for God's protection, for me, for him and for the entire family, to be away from harm, away from sadness and sorrow.
To my friends and my dear ones, thanks for asking. Thanks for worrying. I know you mean no harm. I know you don't mean to shake my trusts away. I trust him still and always, will be. I adore mi amor.
I was recently struck by lightning. The kind that was blurted out from human's mouth, instead of the normal ones that came down from the sky. The after effect was still the same though - I was dead shock, and the electrifying feeling was there too, buzzing in my eardrums and then shutting down my entire system, though for a tiny moment. A split second. Off course I breath again afterwards. And smiling as usual. Nobody realized that the smile I gave, was the kind of smile that was given by a person who just survived, though rentung by a lightning strike! Wavy, and inbalance.
"Why did you let him go alone?"; "Men, you can never trust them!"; "You know what, 4-years is very long"; "Aren't you worried? He's there all alone?"; "What are you doing here, should have been in London now!"; "Tak takut dia kawin lain ke?"; "Common! It's London!". To certain extream, my wise and forever-I-respect mentor, one day, went "If I were you, I would follow wherever he goes. I would have resigned. 4 years is very long and we don't know what will happen there. At your age, men are ...."... she ended that sentence and gave me a couple of slow, calculated nods and a very, very looongg.... shrewd...... meaningful look!!
Oucchhh! That, hurts... err...No..that tingles, and creepy at the same time!!
What can I say? Scared? Off course I am scared. London? Yes, it is very fashionable to have the whole family there. I can envision myself wearing thick stylo winter clothing, sitting on a bench by the park, sipping steaming coffee, enjoying the misty white cool, snowy surrounding at the St. James's park, watching the squirrels, pelicans and the swans in the lake. If I am lucky, perhaps I can even bump into Prince Charles and Camilla like I did the last time I was there!
Between reality and fantasy, between clinging and letting go, between love and jealousy, how can I say it?
I guess, I just trust him. I have loads, and loads, and loads, of trust in him. And I need to hang on to it for so many years to come. Threats and fear of the unknown will quiver that feeling away. And I can't afford that.
Life, as we delve deeper into it, comes along with it, demanding responsibilities and consideration for others. Not only for me, but also for the betterment of the entire family. Not only for now, not only for the coming 4 years, but also for times long, long way after that. I pray for God's protection, for me, for him and for the entire family, to be away from harm, away from sadness and sorrow.
To my friends and my dear ones, thanks for asking. Thanks for worrying. I know you mean no harm. I know you don't mean to shake my trusts away. I trust him still and always, will be. I adore mi amor.
Friday, February 25, 2011
WHEN LOVE AND HATE COLLIDE
Dear Diary,
I recently heard that song ... when Love and Hate collide, so what would you do?
In my case, just yesterday, marked the last day that I would cross the path of this person, whom I'd known since the last 4 years. Roller-coaster kind of 4 years that I had. And during these years, my love and hate towards him, changed every other week. Sometimes, every other day! Towards the last 2 months, he caused me and the people around him to hate him more than we did since the last 4 years.
But yesterday, love survived hate. I chose love, over hate. And I believed, from the look of everyone else, they chose love too. Except for one. He chose hate. I pity him to have to choose hate over love, as I think he'll have to walk his life, and dream his nights, with hate instead of love. God, I am glad I let it go and choose love over hate.
So, if love and hate collide, in my case, love survives....
I recently heard that song ... when Love and Hate collide, so what would you do?
In my case, just yesterday, marked the last day that I would cross the path of this person, whom I'd known since the last 4 years. Roller-coaster kind of 4 years that I had. And during these years, my love and hate towards him, changed every other week. Sometimes, every other day! Towards the last 2 months, he caused me and the people around him to hate him more than we did since the last 4 years.
But yesterday, love survived hate. I chose love, over hate. And I believed, from the look of everyone else, they chose love too. Except for one. He chose hate. I pity him to have to choose hate over love, as I think he'll have to walk his life, and dream his nights, with hate instead of love. God, I am glad I let it go and choose love over hate.
So, if love and hate collide, in my case, love survives....
Thursday, February 10, 2011
MY VERY FIRST POST
Dear Diary,
I am kind of being "forced" by my IT savvy colleague to post my First Post... Let's take up the challenge, as honestly, there were sooo many things happened to me this 2011 year alone that I guess, writing away will really do good to me...See, for instance, I am not the kind of person who would go stand infront of a person's nose and yelp "Hey, I love you, dude!!"... but being able to write it like this, perhaps, will save me a lot of embarassment. As a start, let me try this one "Teloq, I love you sooo much! And I miss you terribly!!" Hahaha... I am pretty embarassed to myself now! ..hahaha... ok.. as a start..not bad, huh! Let's try a second one "Boss, I think you are killing me! PLease go away!" ... hmm... but that's not as a good as my first try just now... may be that's just natural - talking about my Boss has never been pleasant, even if I am at liberty of my own privacy... tak pa, let him rest in peace for now...
"Ke Bintang!" hahaha... quote and unquote my another crazy friend, Zaid... hahaha... I'd better have my own tagline or he will go crazy over me stealing his!!
I am kind of being "forced" by my IT savvy colleague to post my First Post... Let's take up the challenge, as honestly, there were sooo many things happened to me this 2011 year alone that I guess, writing away will really do good to me...See, for instance, I am not the kind of person who would go stand infront of a person's nose and yelp "Hey, I love you, dude!!"... but being able to write it like this, perhaps, will save me a lot of embarassment. As a start, let me try this one "Teloq, I love you sooo much! And I miss you terribly!!" Hahaha... I am pretty embarassed to myself now! ..hahaha... ok.. as a start..not bad, huh! Let's try a second one "Boss, I think you are killing me! PLease go away!" ... hmm... but that's not as a good as my first try just now... may be that's just natural - talking about my Boss has never been pleasant, even if I am at liberty of my own privacy... tak pa, let him rest in peace for now...
"Ke Bintang!" hahaha... quote and unquote my another crazy friend, Zaid... hahaha... I'd better have my own tagline or he will go crazy over me stealing his!!
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