I ADORE MI AMOR

Dear Diary,
I was recently struck by lightning. The kind that was blurted out from human's mouth, instead of the normal ones that came down from the sky. The after effect was still the same though - I was dead shock, and the electrifying feeling was there too, buzzing in my eardrums and then shutting down my entire system, though for a tiny moment. A split second. Off course I breath again afterwards. And smiling as usual. Nobody realized that the smile I gave, was the kind of smile that was given by a person who just survived, though rentung by a lightning strike! Wavy, and inbalance.
"Why did you let him go alone?"; "Men, you can never trust them!"; "You know what, 4-years is very long"; "Aren't you worried? He's there all alone?"; "What are you doing here, should have been in London now!"; "Tak takut dia kawin lain ke?"; "Common! It's London!". To certain extream, my wise and forever-I-respect mentor, one day, went "If I were you, I would follow wherever he goes. I would have resigned. 4 years is very long and we don't know what will happen there. At your age, men are ...."... she ended that sentence and gave me a couple of slow, calculated nods and a very, very looongg.... shrewd...... meaningful look!!
Oucchhh! That, hurts... err...No..that tingles, and creepy at the same time!!
What can I say? Scared? Off course I am scared. London? Yes, it is very fashionable to have the whole family there. I can envision myself wearing thick stylo winter clothing, sitting on a bench by the park, sipping steaming coffee, enjoying the misty white cool, snowy surrounding at the St. James's park, watching the squirrels, pelicans and the swans in the lake. If I am lucky, perhaps I can even bump into Prince Charles and Camilla like I did the last time I was there!
Between reality and fantasy, between clinging and letting go, between love and jealousy, how can I say it?
I guess, I just trust him. I have loads, and loads, and loads, of trust in him. And I need to hang on to it for so many years to come. Threats and fear of the unknown will quiver that feeling away. And I can't afford that.
Life, as we delve deeper into it, comes along with it, demanding responsibilities and consideration for others. Not only for me, but also for the betterment of the entire family. Not only for now, not only for the coming 4 years, but also for times long, long way after that. I pray for God's protection, for me, for him and for the entire family, to be away from harm, away from sadness and sorrow.
To my friends and my dear ones, thanks for asking. Thanks for worrying. I know you mean no harm. I know you don't mean to shake my trusts away. I trust him still and always, will be. I adore mi amor.