LET'S TAKE A DEEP BREATH, OK ...

Dear Diary,

There are times when God loans you happiness just for a simple while. He then takes it back, and when you go too deep down into sorrow, He fairly pulls you up again. When you are up there, it’s either you thank Him and be grateful over the position he set you into, or, you get yourself lost in the midst of that contentment. The cycle continues. The duration to complete a cycle will depend, of course, as He determines it.

There are also times when you feel like your adrenaline to work was so high that you start to believe that your life is meant to be dedicated for it. Then when you are too high with that adrenaline, He fairly drags you down too. Perhaps so that you will remember that work is not everything. Work is not your life. Work is temporary. Work, if it’s a person, actually, doesn’t even notice you’ve drowned too deep, or soared too high. Work, if it’s alive, has no feelings. It doesn’t care. Work, if it has a body, will simply open its mouth, and all it cares is you, feeding and nutritive it with good food. Whose food, work doesn’t care. Even if you starve yourself to death just to feed work with your own foods, it still doesn’t care.

Then you start to feel like the unworthiness eerie, gloomy feeling starts to creep in. You feel at lost because what you believe is so true, is actually so untrue. What you believe is so sacred, actually is so awfully secular. That is the time when you also have 2 options, either to calm down, or to scream and fight. Truthfully, it’s extremely difficult to do both, and that’s the reality. You feel trapped and suffocated. You feel like you “have” to go. No longer “wanting” to go.

Notes – The walls whisper. He knows. Up above, and with bona fide intention, action and reaction, good points will be scored. There’s no visible Account Books on these points. We can’t check on the balance of the points we scored (or slashed, for that matter) – Or we will be overtly obsessed with scoring the points. And becoming KPI oriented. With God.

~ Taking a deep breath – inhale and exhale. Checking from time to time on intention, action and reaction. Meanwhile, the cycle continues. And invisible points scored, hopefully.