Dear Diary,
There are times when God loans you
happiness just for a simple while. He then takes it back, and when you go too deep
down into sorrow, He fairly pulls you up again. When you are up there, it’s
either you thank Him and be grateful over the position he set you into, or, you
get yourself lost in the midst of that contentment. The cycle continues. The
duration to complete a cycle will depend, of course, as He determines it.
There are also times when you feel like
your adrenaline to work was so high that you start to believe that your life is
meant to be dedicated for it. Then when you are too high with that adrenaline,
He fairly drags you down too. Perhaps so that you will remember that work is
not everything. Work is not your life. Work is temporary. Work, if it’s a
person, actually, doesn’t even notice you’ve drowned too deep, or soared too
high. Work, if it’s alive, has no feelings. It doesn’t care. Work, if it has a
body, will simply open its mouth, and all it cares is you, feeding and nutritive
it with good food. Whose food, work doesn’t care. Even if you starve yourself
to death just to feed work with your own foods, it still doesn’t care.
Then you start to feel like the unworthiness
eerie, gloomy feeling starts to creep in. You feel at lost because what you
believe is so true, is actually so untrue. What you believe is so sacred,
actually is so awfully secular. That is the time when you also have 2 options,
either to calm down, or to scream and fight. Truthfully, it’s extremely difficult
to do both, and that’s the reality. You feel trapped and suffocated. You feel
like you “have” to go. No longer “wanting” to go.
Notes – The walls whisper. He knows. Up
above, and with bona fide intention, action and reaction, good points will be
scored. There’s no visible Account Books on these points. We can’t check on the
balance of the points we scored (or slashed, for that matter) – Or we will be overtly
obsessed with scoring the points. And becoming KPI oriented. With God.
~ Taking a deep breath – inhale and exhale.
Checking from time to time on intention, action and reaction. Meanwhile, the cycle
continues. And invisible points scored, hopefully.
